Monday, July 7, 2008

Waxing Philosophic - Or Talking to the Cats Has Finally Driven Me Over the Edge

I've thought a lot about what to post today. And none of it seems to relay anything except whining, which I'm trying to avoid. So here are the facts: today is my birthday; Andrew is out of town for the week and I have only the kitties to keep me company today. So yes, I am alone on my birthday. But I'm trying hard not to think about it like that. Because really, as long as I get some kind of celebration with him, I'll be happy. And I did get to spend some time with the family yesterday, which was really nice. It's harder for us all to get together these days, especially given the ridiculous gas prices, so it makes me feel good to know they all made the effort to plan something for me and take time and energy to spend the day with me. In the long run, that's all I ask for. Plus my sister made me cupcakes from scratch, which were yummy and thoughtful!

I am trying to stay positive, because, as much as I may try, it does bother me to be alone today. It's worse because Andrew had been planning a celebration along with the holiday weekend (which I always had as a kid, and I love pretending the fireworks are for me; plus sparklers on a cake are way cooler than regular candles!). And 2 weeks ago, his company informed him that he was required to go out of state for a week, starting Sun. (yesterday), no matter about plans, no matter about his wife's birthday, or that it was a national holiday. All plans out the window. And at that time, I didn't have anything planned with my family, so I thought there would be no celebration at all, which really got me down. See, I grew up with celebrations being a big deal - holidays, birthdays, etc. It was about being with close family and friends, and usually centered around food and dessert. I guess I feel the need to be around people more than I realized. Growing up with 3 sisters, I'm used to constantly having other people around me, although I do enjoy having time with myself sometimes, too.

roses the size of lettuce headsSo, to keep my spirits up today, I spent some time in our backyard, focusing on seeing things grow and flourish, despite the general lack of attention they get from Andrew and me. I took some pictures to remind me that it's not about this specific day, it's about the whole shebang, the process and progress we make. I know, cheesy, but it's my birthday. Cut me some slack!

revived asiatic liliesI'm pretty impressed that we have so much growing in a yard that's not that large - especially since we get so many overcast, foggy days. Plus, most of the plants and trees were there when we started renting the house. The only things I planted are the tomatoes and the asiatic lilies, which had started as an indoor plant that I thought had died. But come spring and a little sun, there were the little green tendrils poking out of the soil I hadn't watered in months. So I transplanted them outside, and I'm very excited to see them bloom again.

tomato plantsI'm also hoping to see some actual tomatoes this year from the plants. Last year they didn't get a growth boost till September, and it was too late to get any fruit. I love having fresh tomatoes off the vine - I'll eat them right there, warm from the sun! Growing tomatoes is also one of the things we always used to do with my dad, so this is something I try to do every year in memory of him.

apples!We just discovered apples on the tree that we thought was a goner after it was overtaken by the bushes on either side of it which shut out all its light. But we cut them back last year and whaddya know, apples!

one of our 3 pear treesIn a few weeks, we're going to have baskets of pears! This is just one of our three pear trees. Seriously, it's a little crazy how much we have going on in our backyard that we usually ignore.

Clau, you were much more eloquent about these birthday feelings that I've gone through so many times over the past few days. And I don't know if this constitutes doing something blogworthy, but it's made me feel better on my birthday by myself! Thank you to all that wished me a happy day today - it means even more given my circumstances today!

The hardest part to get through will be trying to sleep tonight without my hubby to whisper Happy Birthday and I Love You in my ear before I drift off to sleep, cuddled up in his arms. I know it sounds silly, but I never sleep well without him. And knowing that I have to get up early will only put more pressure on me to get to sleep, which will make it harder to fall asleep. So I'll focus on Friday night, when my boy will finally be home and I can sleep again. And maybe then we can celebrate my birthday together. He's good at making me feel appreciated and special, and isn't that what your special day is all about?


vivzan said...

I totally want to fly out and give you a big hug.

Even though this post was melancholy, that last bit about how you find it difficult to sleep without Andrew and how special and appreciated he makes you feel was such an incredibly sweet and tender thing to read about that I got all mushy here just reading it! Awwww, what a wonderful thing to have and experience that extends beyond your birthday!

Chelc said...

Aww! Thanks! I'll accept a long-distance hug!

I added that last bit in because the rest of the post sounded so down, and I didn't want to end on that note. I was hoping it wouldn't be weird for you all who know Andrew from work & not so much of us as a couple. I'm glad you could share my mushiness. :)

vivzan said...

the whole post was incredibly touching. :-)


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