Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Standing at the Edge of the Unknown

It's funny how the New Year hits me every year. It's usually the let-down holiday after the excitement and family overload of Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. I have a hard time letting go of December, which probably has a lot to do with why I drag my feet on taking our Christmas tree down every year. I guess for me, after surrounding myself with the tokens, food, and excitement of the holidays for the last two months (and even Halloween), stripping all that down and being left with the way things normally are feels boring and cold. Just like the weather. There really isn't much in the way of holidays to look forward to for a pretty long stretch of time, and in California we don't even have snow flurries to enjoy looking out the window at.

I miss those. I miss having the winter accoutrements that accompany snowy winter, like my warm sweaters, winter jackets, warm hats and gloves and scarves. I don't miss shoveling snow (well, lovely Andrew did that for me anyway, but I know he sure doesn't miss that!). And I don't miss driving in ice. But I miss the sound of fresh snow under my feet and the chill of the few areas of skin not bundled up being hit by a cold breeze, and that initial blast of warm air when you walk inside after being outside for a while. I love California, don't get me wrong, but living with four real seasons for 11 years, I got pretty attached to it. I think maybe it's time for a trip to visit my sister in Tahoe for a few days.

But that was a huge tangent since I wasn't planning on writing about snow at all!

Everyone goes on about resolutions for the new year. Starting fresh. Half of me likes that idea, and the other half is like a donkey trying to be pulled somewhere - stopped dead in my tracks, entire body splayed against movement - "you want to do what, now?!" I admit, I'm a pretty stubborn person, and it is not beyond me to argue with myself, not to mention how we all know habits are hard to break. So I tend to shy away from resolutions every year. I may make a few goals, but calling it a "resolution" is way too big a commitment.

But this year I have some big changes to make, and they're not going to come without work. School is officially completed. My degree should be approved this month (although I won't officially know till April when they send it out - yeah, it takes that long!). And the next step looms before me, what I've dreaded since entering school because I knew the day would come - it's the whole reason I went back to school, right?

Find A Job.

The pressure's on. I must now search out and find a job that uses my skills and spankin'-fresh degree. And here's the kicker, the really scary part - it's gotta make me happy. Because that was the whole point of having Andrew support me while I went back to school full-time. And why I didn't settle for going into the same-old thing I was doing before which made me miserable. So suddenly this whole "fresh new start" is looking pretty intimidating.

But the flip side is that it could be very exciting. That's what's interesting about the unknown, isn't it? And as much as my stubborn inner donkey may not want to take those steps into that scary dark chasm, my imagination has some interesting ideas that might just win me over.

You know, I feel like I did right after I graduated college (the first time, at my 4-year college). When there was no more scripted school, vacation, school, vacation...like there had been for the majority of my life to that point. And there's the huge temptation to just find something that pays so you can have "security", even if you know it's not what you want to be doing.

So I've decided I just have to take my adventure one day at a time and see where each step leads me. Because thinking too much about getting stranded in the middle will keep me from moving anywhere.

5 comments:

megaroo said...

that's probably the hardest part after getting a degree, finding a job that makes you happy. I'm actually starting school again soon and I know my Intro to Design class might kick my butt, but Im sure people will lend me a hand if I need it. Your paintings are wonderful Chels! I hope you find that job, I really do.

toothpick said...

hahaha!! "Inner donkey!" anyway, i like that you're prepared to roll with it day to day and i like that you're focused on finding what you value, rather than what's "good enough." i'm rooting for you!

Laidlaw said...

Soooooooo.... what kind of job are you hoping to find?

Chelc said...

Thanks for the support guys! It means a lot.

Mark, I'm looking for a job in computer animation, which is a fairly broad range for now. I'm trying to keep my options open and see what's out there.

vivzan said...

I feel the same let-down but this year, couldn't hold onto the tree because the guy didn't saw enough off the trunk and it didn't absorb any water. Still, it's hard, especially because my birthday.

You and I also have the same resolution: Find a Job! :) This is just such a great place for you to be in and you can take your time and find the job that's right for you. It can be frustrating, but also fun to find the right job.

I'm excited for you, even though I understand the donkey!

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